Out of Sight, Out of Mind
Techniques for a more disciplined life
“If it is out of sight, it is out of mind!” I remember hearing this phrase nearly 14 years ago, early in my Marine Corps career. It has stuck with me ever since.
Initially, the phrase was intended to tell people that if something isn’t immediately visible, it won’t be something to worry about. Over the years, I’ve morphed this phrase into a guiding principle for my own life. The concept of "out of sight, out of mind" has been a game-changer for me in maintaining a disciplined lifestyle.
In this post, I explore:
how I employ this technique,
introduce insights from the book Dopamine Nation by Anna Lembke, MD,
and explain why conscious moderation over strict abstinence is a better way to live
What is "Out of Sight, Out of Mind"?
"Out of sight, out of mind" is a technique where you make a deliberate effort to remove temptations from your immediate environment. Thus, making it easier to avoid them. By not seeing these temptations, the cravings often don't even appear.
How Do I Employ It?
Snacks and Sweets
I don't buy snacks or sugary sweets, and it's precisely because I don't have access to them that I don't crave them. But once they are available to me, I will snatch up a snack without a conscious thought. This is especially true for anything Reese's or those tantalizing sour belts. I'm a sucker for both of those bastards, and 9 out of 10 times, I am losing the battle of will that it takes to not gobble those up. So, instead of forcing myself to play and lose the will game, I instead refuse to let the game start. I don’t buy snacks whatsoever when I am out grocery shopping. Out of sight, out of mind baby! If I don't see any snacks or sweets, the craving for them won't even appear.
The "I Hate Fries" Lie
It’s a lie I tell myself and anyone unlucky enough to eat with me at a burger restaurant. Of course, I don’t hate fries. They are delicious finger foods designed to be tasty and addictive. But I learned a long time ago that I didn’t like the feeling that eating a basket of fries gave me. I especially didn’t like that I would find myself eating without a conscious thought.
I remember going to Five Guys for the first time with friends and being shocked by how much they would give you as a serving. One order of fries gave you an entire bag full of greasy greatness. Problem was, as soon as I started eating, it seemed as though the fries magically disappeared on me. I would unconsciously gobble those bad boys up.
By telling myself I hate fries over and over, I have created a reality distortion of sorts. One so powerful that I am rarely ever tempted to try a french fry let alone order one.
Another powerful reinforcing mechanism for not eating fries is the social effect that I have created. I have been telling myself and my friends for so long that I hate fries that I now enjoy positive peer pressure. If I even attempt to pick up a french fry around a friend, I get shot with puzzled and bewildered looks. "What are you doing? You hate french fries!" And just like that, I am reminded of my powerful lie. I am pushed away from my unconscious desire to eat those thin, perfectly salty, fatty greatnesses.
Dopamine Nation and Self-Binding Technique
I am currently reading Dopamine Nation by Anna Lembke, MD, where she explains this process much more eloquently. She calls this technique a self-binding step. She defines self-binding as " intentionally and willingly creating barriers between ourselves and our drug of choice in order to mitigate compulsive overconsumption."1
Self-Binding Steps
“Self-binding is not primarily a matter of will, although personal agency plays some part. Rather, self-binding openly recognizes the limitation of will. The key is first to acknowledge the loss of voluntariness we experience when under the spell of a powerful compulsion, and to bind ourselves when we still possess the capacity to create choice.”2 This creates a pause button between desire and action.
The World of Abundance and Conscious Moderation
We live in a world of abundance, where everything we desire is at our fingertips. I believe in conscious moderation, not complete abstinence. Strict abstinence can lead to feelings of failure if we slip up. Whereas moderation allows for occasional indulgence without the guilt.
Why Conscious Moderation Works
Sustainable Approach: Unlike strict abstinence, moderation is sustainable in the long run.
Positive Reinforcement: By creating structures of self-binding and leveraging peer support, we build a network that helps us live a balanced life.
Avoiding Guilt: Occasional indulgence becomes a deliberate choice. Not a failure! An effective way to keep a sane psyche.
Conclusion
Living a disciplined life is not about having the greatest willpower. Rather, it's about utilizing the techniques that can push you towards your best life. Techniques like:
"out of sight, out of mind,"
using friends to help live a life of moderation,
and utilizing other self-binding mechanisms
have made it easier to achieve a disciplined life. No matter the form it takes, make sure it comes from a conscious effort to live. Avoid one in which you are an unconscious consumer of an abundant world.
Lembke, Anna . Dopamine Nation. Penguin Audio, 2021.
Ibid.
On target! Nonno Bobby’s mantra is moderation is deliberate balancing with intentionality…without guilt or rationalization.