Why am I writing?
And why I have to avoid using Chat GPT too early
I have asked myself this question over and over, especially as I have attempted to establish a writing cadence on Substack. Sometimes, I answer the question by saying it's for me, as though I find it to be some cathartic release. Writing has sometimes calmed my monkey brain when I get into one of those rare flow states during a strong writing session. But when I look at my writing habits, I know that that answer isn't complete.
There’s always another desire that bubbles up from deep down, the one that wants my ego stroked. For the glory. For the attention. All the classic egotistical reasons. As though I will achieve some pie-in-the-sky dream. As though, somehow, writing and reading will be the places where I can accomplish those things. Because you know, reading and writing are so exciting these days, especially against 10-second nonsense videos. The content that seems to hold people's attention anymore comes in the ridiculousness that can be consumed quicker than a person can yawn. No, ego stroking may simmer up occasionally, but it isn't the answer to my why.
When I take the time to think about this question, as I have for this blog, the answer is to build my writing skills. I want to be a better writer because it makes me a better conversationalist and thinker. As I learned with Project 30, the fuel and motivation that work best for me comes from challenges. By forcing myself to attempt difficult and complex tasks, I grow. The more I grow, the better person I become in my social circle. My overriding desire is to be a positive presence in others' lives. I want to help those around me, aim for higher objectives, and strive to do hard things. I can only be that person if I put myself through challenging tests and tasks.
I am putting myself to the task with this writing and publishing habit. Writing does not come naturally to me, so I grow as a writer with each subsequent week of dedicated writing. However, there's a trap that I have found myself falling into that prevents me from achieving this growth.
That trap is turning to Chat GPT too early in my writing process. It's a wonderful tool that I am grateful to have, but I find it destructive when not used for the right reasons. Misusing this tool can suck the joy out of writing. It takes away my ability to write and think deeply about a subject. Using Chat GPT too early in my writing process is like using cheat codes in a video game to get past a level. The best part about playing a difficult game is the thrill you receive after beating a hard level or boss. When I use a cheat code, that satisfaction disappears. It makes the game boring and no longer worth playing. Using Chat GPT too early erodes the enjoyment I find in publishing a blog or essay that I put a lot of effort into.
That said, Chat GPT is a fantastic tool when used well. In my case, it's best used for final edits. If I use it for ideation or for connecting points in my writing, it sucks away my tone and voice. More so, it takes away all motivation to continue writing about a subject.
A pledge that I am making for myself is to have the discipline to use GPT only during the final stages of my writing.1 I am publishing this blog to keep myself accountable and remind myself of this pledge. I am not attempting to publish every week for the sake of publishing. I publish my writing to sharpen my skills. I am writing because I have an overarching mission—to write a book. Like my daily writing habit, the desire to write a book comes from many places:
the desire to create something,
to share my story,
to receive praise from the people who matter to me, and
to leave something behind when I can no longer share stories or create content of substance.
Keeping this mission in mind brings clarity to my purpose for having a daily writing habit. It focuses me on why I am attempting to publish a blog weekly (or, more likely, in my case, bi-weekly). With this mission in mind, I find the drive to write. The other desires, those driven by ego, never work.
By keeping this mission in mind, it will also prevent me from using a cheat code to beat the boss. As long as I defeat the boss through hard work and effort, I know that I am writing and publishing for the right reasons.
Oh yes, dear reader, I have indeed used good ‘ole GPT to clean up my writing, even for this blog. I listened to myself and used it as a last-stage editor. Thanks for asking.
Love this!